Ok, so today is my birthday, and I've been trying to analyze why I call it "another non-birthday", along with nearly all past birthdays. Well, for one thing, I'm usually on the road working/showing in Texas on this day. This year is an exception, as my usual shows for this weekend have been moved from this time of year to Spring. Hence, I'm home instead of on the road. Being on the road doesn't make for a real "birthday" somehow. But, it may go deeper than that.
When my father was alive, I always knew my phone would ring early in the morning with his cheery "Happy Birthday, Missy"! Now he's gone.
When both my parents were alive, they always took me out to dinner with all the family. Most of the time, it was a nice thing to look forward to, but as they got older it somehow wasn't fun, but a chore to endure. I"m not sure why, but I was relieved when dinner was over and we all left the restaurant.
Then there was the "asp" incident when I was 9 yrs. old. Following the usual skating party with my classmates (I was a so-so skater), the family returned to my house for gift opening. Now that was fun! Tons of presents to open!!!! This particular year, we had the event on our screened-in porch. The wrapped gifts were piled on top of an old twin bed on the porch. I plopped down on the bed, anxious and excited to open up the goods, when I felt this intense burning pain on the underneath part of my upper thigh and screamed as I jumped up in agony. I heard someone say "it's an asp" that got her. The pain was numbing my mind by this point. It kept intensifying which made me scream more. I got over it, of course, and eventually got back to opening gifts...a couple of hours later. But, it was ruined for me. I hated that porch from that time onward, and was wary of being out there. Maybe I'm scarred for birthdays, too?
Whatever the reason, my birthday has really not been a date I've really ever paid much attention to. I mark it mentally as another year older and that's about it.
On this birthday, I'll celebrate by eating lunch with my son, Lee. We eat together a lot when I'm home, so that in itself isn't momentous. But, I am grateful that I at least have his company as all the rest of my family reside elsewhere. His birthday is one week later than mine, so these days we are there for each other to mark the occasion of our birth.